hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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