Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
