Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize