We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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