I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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