we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
