You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
