but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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