it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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