I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
