It's Friday. Sex?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
