I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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