so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
