whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This is my gift to your gina
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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