idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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