i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
