I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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