Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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