he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
