she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
