MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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