you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
