Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How naked do you want me to be?
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