if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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