You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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