Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
