why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
