Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize