I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
