Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
