I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
