Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
