So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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