Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
