Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
