Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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