Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
