We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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