apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
