If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
