But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
