Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
