i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
