Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
only you would photoshop your dick
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
