I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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