She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
