Just fell off a train. Bad.
my phone needs a breathalizer
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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