So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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