So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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