ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
