we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
