happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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