history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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