I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize