I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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