He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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