I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
