We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
