I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
