happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
