my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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