best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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