So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
