is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
