Swine flu. Run for my life!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
