I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
love makes seman taste better
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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