every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
