i permit you to call me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't deserve a penis
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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