All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
