He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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