So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
