I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
