He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
