Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
