just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
