omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
