broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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