You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
