I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
