sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize