Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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