My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
