Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize