I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
