so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
