the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
