Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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