she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
