Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
