All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
