Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
