Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
