I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
