you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
