Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
