they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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