He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize