new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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