Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
