Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
