If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
