Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
