You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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