I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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