Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize