You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
