even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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