Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize