theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
