forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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