ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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